Today was really about losing. Losing stuffs, which I’ve once held on to. Be it for the past 18 years or just a mere few hours.
I don’t know what to do right now. I’m in a state whereby my brain is in an uncontrollably cramped manner. I don’t know whether should I be shaking right now or should I keep myself in compose. I don’t know.
Sigh.
I’m really tired right now, but I just can’t bring myself to sleep. Cause’ unfortunately for me, tomorrow will be starting in an hour time. I don’t want to face tomorrow. I don’t want to face my dad. I don’t want to face my family. It’s for sure that they’re going to be mad at me, for being careless. I just don’t want them to be mad at me. Not now at least.
And yarh, it’s true when they say; a relationship is not just about loving and being loved by someone. It’s far more than that. In order for a relationship to work, we need the blessing of our respective parents. Without their blessings, a relationship will forever remain unblessed. Just like my relationship, so to speak. Unblessed.
Sigh.
To all those who know me really well, I just lost my phone, people. So I need you to give me your contact number. I have yet to get myself a new phone, so for now, I’m officially broke and handphone-less.
SIGH.
Oklah that’s all. I want to go die now.
Filed under: Random
I always needed time on my own. I never thought I’d need you when i cried. And the days feels like years when im alone. And the bed where you lie, is made up on your side..
When you walk away, i count the steps that you take. Do you see how much i need you right now?
When you’re gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you. When you’re gone, the face i came to know is missing too. When you’re gone, the words i need to hear to always get me through the day. And make it ok.
Filed under: Random
French listening and writing test today. Based on today’s test, I still can’t believe that azm said that the listening test will be easy. It’s not, okay. It’s really difficult, especially when it comes to the digital clock part. I was trying so hard to try and understand what the speaker was talking about. But I can’t seem to get it. Well yuh, serve me right for not digging my ears before hand. Pfffttt.
School’s gonna end early for me tomorrow. There will be no teleprin lab tom, so lesson should ends at around 1. But thennnnnnnnnnn, at around 4, I will have to make my way to tanjong pagar for that PPP meeting. And that meeting will most probably end at around 10 p.m.
Haiyaaaaa. There goes my plan to meet up with my lovelies. I was so excited to meet them, but pfffft, cannot meet already. How sad. But thank god, I will be meeting 2 of my lovelies for lunch tomorrow. Woohooo. I miss both of them. Their hugs especially. Yessar =D
edit// when you push on glass, it’s bound to break. Haiz. some things are just better off unsaid..
God really have his owns ways of creating wonders.
I love you, God.
I love you too, han.
=)
Got this from my friendster’s bulletin board. Awwww…
every girl dreams that one day she will
find a guy that does these things for
her. even the smallest action can have
the BIGGEST impact in someones life.
THIS IS THE CUTEST THING EVER
• give her one of your t-shirts to
sleep in.
• leave her cute text notes.
• kiss her in front of your friends.
• tell her she looks beautiful.
• look into her eyes when you talk to
her.
• let her mess with your hair.
• touch her hair.
• just walk around with her.
• FORGIVE her for her MISTAKES.
• look at her like she’s the only girl
you see.
• tickle her even when she says stop.
• hold her hand when you’re around your
friends.
• when she starts swearing at you, tell
her you love her.
• let her fall asleep in your arms.
• get her mad, then kiss her.
• stay on the phone with her even if
shes not sayi.ng anything
• tease her and let her tease you back.
• stay up all night with her when she’s
sick.
• watch her favorite movie with her.
• kiss her forehead.
• give her the world.
• let her wear your clothes.
• when she’s sad, hang out with her.
• let her know she’s important.
• kiss her in the pouring rain.
• when you fall in love with her, tell
her.
• and when you tell her, love her like
you’ve never loved someone before.
Han has already done most of the things found here in this bulletin. Perfect bf? y/y?
A colleague of mine has been trying to find means to psycho me to break up with han. I have no idea why, but it seems that she really wants me to break up with him. She often says that, if she were to be in my state, she already dumps han, and then go search for someone much better. I don’t know why, maybe she’s too superficial perhaps? Then just now, while I was busy preparing an order, she randomly told me that someone wants to “kenal2” with me. This someone happens to be an old friend of hers. I don’t know who he is but he used to work at my work place. Even though she already knows that I already have han, she still insist that I should “kenal2” with him. Who knows there will be sparks between the two of us, she says..
But no.
Yes he maybe the epitome of an ideal boyfriend. He have the looks, he have the body. But no babe, I will not trade han for anything. Not in a million years. You want to why?
Cause in him, I can see my future with. Yes. I maybe young, but trust me, I’m not that naïve. Past relationships have taught me a lot. With both eyes closed, I can now tell the difference between love and infatuation. Having han in my life, is the greatest thing anyone could ever ask for. He’s the light among the darkness. I now dare say that he means the world to me, and that I love him very much.
Tell me, how I can not love him. Unlike my ex, han is always there for me. He was there for me when I was at my lowest; he was there for me when I was at my highest. He was there for me when I needed him the most. He was even there for me when I don’t need him at all. In short, he is always there for me,
He also loves me wholeheartedly. Often showers me with love, and then asking little in return. He is particularly unselfish when it comes to showing affections towards me. He often stares at me, and then when I blush, he will break down into fits of laughter while saying how cute I look when I blush.
And yuh, to tell you the truth, I can only blush when I’m with han. Really. When I’m around him, I glow all over. I feel pretty when I’m with him. I feel lifted when I’m with him, but not to the extent of being egoistic. I too, feel shy when I’m around him. Each time I look at him, I will blush, cause’ knowing that han loves me gives me this funny tingling feeling. Thus, my red face. He brings out the woman in me, but at the same time he brings out the shy damsel in me.
Its not always rainbows and butterflies though. We too have our share of downs. We fight over the slightest things. We have lots of insecurities and problems. Some of which shakens our relationship. So much so, that we tried breaking up (read: tried). But most of the attempts to break up failed because fortunately for us, we just can’t let go each other. Up to date, we already tried breaking up for more than 5 times. Most of this “break up” ended up with the both of us clinging on to each other, regretting the decision to break up. Yes, that’s how attached we are to each other.
So yuh, you see. That’s why I don’t want to trade my baby for anything. Not even the cutest guy in this whole wide world. He’s more than what I want in a guy. He’s perfect in so many ways. I love him so much. And I know he loves me the same way. Just by knowing that, it’s already far more than enough for me. Maybe my colleague fails to see it, but hopefully someday she will know that it’s han I’m in love with, no one else. No one else.
I think most of you know this already.
But heck, I want to make this clear yet again.
I’m in love, bebeh.
I’m so freakingy in love, bebeh.
2 weeks of not seeing him, really shows how much my precious have changed over time. From the look of it, I can tell that he have lost some weight. Thanks to the training, he’s more muscled than ever. And ourh, he’s as dark as me now. heh. With his shaved hair and near to tone body, he looks manlier than before. I like.
Heh.
I just met him just now, but I’m starting to miss him already.
Saturday oh Saturday. Come sooner pls?
In approximately 16 hrs time, I’m gonna meet my babyyyyy..
WOOHOOOOOOO..
*do the chicky dance
Like finally.
Two weeks of not meeting him, I’m this close to being insane.
It’s only two weeks but it really seems like forever.
I miss him so much.
So much that I’m going crazy.
Or perhaps I’m already born crazy?
lol
oh look at the time now. 12:16 AM. No wonder I’m going crazy.
-___________________-
P.S: The timing in my blog is wrong. I dunno how to change it. Err help anyone?
As scarily as it sounds, all together I’ve had three bad news today. All of them closely related to death. Early in the morning, Bahiyyah smsed me and told me that his granddad just passed away. A few weeks ago, her grandmum passed away. Just when the pain of losing someone she’s really close with was starting to fade, she faced yet another cruel blow. I dunno what state is she in right now. What I know is that, upon hearing that bad new, I had this sudden strong urge to hug her. I wanted to console her, and send her my condolences. But she’s too far away from me. Besides, her family needs her more now.
Also, when I woke up, mother told me that one of our family close friend, has passed on. He’s like a granddad to me. Even though I’m not that close to him, I still feel a sense of loss. Cause’ apparently, he’s the only person whom I can call grandpa. Both my paternal and maternal granddad has passed on you see. So yuh, now that they’re gone, I have no more granddads to call my own.
Then minutes ago, I found out that Hannan’s dad has passed on. I dunno how to react.Even khai was shocked. It was something totally uncalled for. Hannan is only 18, but yet, he’s dad…..Sigh.
No wonder the sun’s is not shining as bright today.
No wonder I’ve been feeling rather solemn this at late.
People. They can just come and go just like that. Hearing and listening to this kind of news, make me thinks twice. Think twice on whether or not should I be really close to someone. When you’re too close to someone, if something like this happens, it will be really hard for me to recover from this blow. Especially if that someone is someone you’re deeply in love with.
On the other hand, if I do the otherwise, it will be really selfish off me.
Sigh.
I really need a hug now.
=(
Filed under: Random
The weather was inconsistently wet today. It was raining cats and dogs at one time, and then bright and sunny the next. I like it when it’s hot and sunny, but I prefer it more when it’s raining. Maybe it’s because the temperature is perfectly just nice for me. Cooling and relaxing. But I like rainy weathers mostly because I love to watch and hear the rain. How it falls down rapidly, ignoring what it might fall on to. Each time it rains heavily, it’s for sure that I will end up in a trance. The beautiful sound of the rain acts as a lullaby for me to doze off into my dreamland. Into a land where reality is just a name and dreams are questionably easy to be fulfilled. But when the rain stops and the sun begins to make it’s way up, reality will now be more than just a name and dreams are undeniably hard to fulfill.
Sigh.
I don’t like reality. It’s just way too clear for me.
