Filed under: love
ONE!!!!
Well not yet uh. Our anniversary is actually tomorrow, but I doubt I have the time to blog about this. So might as well blog abut it today kan? Heh.
So yuh, as I was saying, we’re one peopleeeeee. I’m like super high right now. On love that is. So far, this is the longest relationship I have ever had with a guy. And I’m so glad that I’m sharing it with the one I’m wholeheartedly in love with. Too bad that baby is stuck in sembawang camp. If not, the both of us have already make plans for tomorrow. Oh well, we can always celebrate it some other time. Right baby?
One year. Omg. Seriously speaking, I didn’t really expect us to last this long. Not that I don’t have faith in us, its just that back then, I was still in my healing mode. I was still healing from my past. In simple words, I wasn’t quite ready to be back in track for love. But then there was Han. We became a couple so suddenly. Both asy and Julie will know how sudden it was cause’ they were the first few who knows about us. It was really unexpected uh. Then again, in life we have to always expect the unexpected. We can never know what the future will bring us.
How we became a couple, if you may ask. Heh, sorry guys. I really don’t want to say it out. I’m sporting but not that sporting, you know. Haha. But just to let you know, our first date was an eventful one. It was a “double date”, with both Mamat and Rabiah. Both me and han was not a couple yet. While the real couple of the day spent their time together, both me and han walked around the beach. We talked about almost everything. We even played swing together. Haha. But something happened while we’re there. We were sitting on this stone thingy, facing the beach. We were sitting there enjoying the extra bright sunlight when we came to realize that nearby, a pair dog was happily making love in front of us. Directly in front of us, you know. On our first date some more. Tak censored seh. Hahahaha. I don’t know whether that was a good sign or a bad sign for us. But I bet it’s a good sign cause’ look at us now, we’re one. So people if you ever come across a dog making love on your first date, count yourself lucky cause trust me, it’s a good sign =)
God seriously, I can’t stop smiling now. One year, you know. I can’t believe that Han can actually tahan me for one year. Heh. But seriously, throughout this one year I have finally found the true meaning of love. Cliché I know. But this is for real. Throughout this one year, despite all those fight, I was really loved by Han. Vice versa. Put those first few months aside, I loved Han more than I can ever love anyone. I even think that I love Han more than I love myself. He showed me what love is all about. Han, patiently helped me heal those wounds from my past. He helped me find myself back. See guys, I’m no longer as emo as I was back then. I’m smiling and laughing all the time. Some said I look as if I’m glowing. I don’t know about that but maybe it’s because I’m really content with my life. I’m in love. What more can I ask for right?
But I dare say that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies for us. We had our downsides too. Trust me when I say, it hadn’t been an easy one year. It’s tremendously hard when we still haven’t come to terms with our differences. It’s even harder when we still have some leftover past to let go. We fought for don’t know how many times. A lot of tears have been shed. Not once, not twice, but umpteen times, we’ve tried breaking up. But it all ended up in vain, cause’ the next thing we know, we were back in each other’s arms, regretting the attempt to break up. But thank god that each and every of that downside has made us even stronger than ever. All thanks to those fights, I love him even more now.
It’s been a year and yet he’s still the only one who can make me blush so hard.
It’s been a year, but he’s still the only one I really turn to when in times of need.
It’s been a year and yet, I still cry for him each time he has to leave me for ns.
It’s been a year, but yet I still get angry at him for replying my sms late.
Its been a year, but he’s still the one who takes my breathe away.
And last but not least, it’s been a year but he’s still the one I love.
I love you han. You’re truly God’s gift. Thanks for everything. And yarh, you better get yourself all gear up cause ‘I intend to let you stay in my heart for awhile. So be prepared to face more fights ok? Lol. Happy One year, baby =)
Warning: This will be a long long post. Read it only when you have nothing to do. 
)
Well hi, I’m back again. I no longer need some time alone now. So yuh, glad to say that I’m ok now =)
Today was a blast. I didn’t expect to have fun today cause days before today; I was busy fighting with Han. Well it’s not exactly fighting uh. We were exchanging some depressing thoughts to be exact. And you guessed it; we ended up being really depressed and angry at each other. Han was/ is still confused with his life. He wants me close to his heart, but at the same time, he wants some space. I really don’t get it. It’s like when I don’t sms him, he will say that I’m neglecting him. But when I do sms him, he will say that I’m smsing him too much and that he needs some space.
I seriously don’t get. If pull myself away from him, he will get angry and depressed. If I do the otherwise, he will feel the same way too. I really don’t get him at times. Then again, it’s not his fault cause ever since he got into army; he is easily “suffocated”. He only have one day of freedom, you see. He needs to spent time with his family, friends and of cause, me. He can’t possibly spend time with all of them at one go right? So that’s why, he’s easily suffocated. I understand.
That’s why I’ve been telling him that I don’t mind pulling myself out of this. There isn’t a need for him to spend time with me. Yes, I will be really disappointed and sad, but this is nothing when compared to what Han is facing right now right?
So as I was saying, today was a blast. I met up with Han. It was a last minute thing, so it was kind of unplanned. We went to our usual hang out place. Sat down there, and talked things through. I swear to God that there are a lot of reasons to why I can never let go of him. One of the reasons is that the both of us can read each other’s mind. This might sound funny to you guys, but yuh, when the time is right, we can really read other’s mind. Like just now, Han was persuading me to follow him to go eat dinner with his family. I didn’t want to go because I felt that I didn’t look presentable enough for his family. Han looked really sympathetic at that point of them, so I can’t bear to disappoint him. I told him I will only go if he can fulfill one condition. To know that condition, I playfully told him that he will have to read my mind. (I didn’t want to say that condition directly because I don’t want him to spend money on me, you see.)
And so he did. He knows the condition instantly, which is to buy for me make ups. I was seriously stunned. I swear I didn’t give him any hints. Not a single hint. I stood up and sat a bench away from him, just to get a grip of myself. I was shaking you know. Terperanjat lah seh. I seriously stone sia. This is not the first time things like this happen. I can’t really remember any other situations, but really, the both of us are so comfortable with each other that we can say stuffs without saying a word. In near future, I doubt I can be this close anyone ever again. So this is why the both of us find it really hard to let go of each other. We just love each other so much, kan Han? =D
Since he BINGO-ed in front of me, I have no other choice but to follow him eat dinner. But before that, he fulfilled my condition by buying me make up ya’ll. I didn’t force him ok, he insists on buying it for me. Heeee. I’m such a bad girlfriend, I know. Heh. Met his mum for dinner. It’s not an ordinary dinner uh, because we’re celebrating in conjunction Han’s birthday. That’s right. Tomorrow is Han’s birthday. Woohooooooooooo
Happy birthday baby. You’re officially an elderly now. Hahahaha.
Lols. Obviously that not my real birthday wish to him lah. Korang ni pon. I’ve already wrote something for him. Something much sweeter and meaningful. But nyeh nyeh, don’t expect me to type it all out here. Some things are just not meant to be shown to world you know. Heh.
And on Wednesday, we’re turning ONE, ya’ll. Gosh. I’m so excited. I’m jumping up and down as I’m typing this post. Woohooo. Even though I have not made any plans yet, I’m still jumping up and down. I don’t know why but I’m just too excited to plan anything uh. Lols.
Dah uh, people. I will end this post for now. Too long already. Besides, I’m starting to panic already. Still don’t know what to give him sia. Kambengssssss, if you’re reading this I need your help lah sehhhhhh.
But first and foremost, before I start making plans, I need to find my wallet first. I’ve misplaced it somewhere. Argh. Smacks my head many many times.
Filed under: numb
I need some time alone now.
There’s a big possibility that I will be switching off my phone. So anything, just call my home. Take care, guys. Till then.
Filed under: Random
Time flies really fast eh. Without me even realizing it, one week worth of fasting has passed. And believe it or not, tomorrow will be my baby’s passing out parade. It’s feel like only yesterday Han went in to Tekong.Close eye open eye, close eye open eye. Three months has passed. Time really flies fast lah can.
This one week, a lot of stuffs had been happening in my life. I really don’t wish to elaborate more. Everything is in the past now. What happened that day, I will just take it as a setback and move on., just like I always did.
And to you, I still love you lah babe. Don’t let this ruin our friendship ok?
It’s already 12 in the afternoon, 2 more hours and then I’ll be off to work. My head is spinning and my neck hurts like hell. Ahh. I’m so tireddddd.
Urgh, I hate it when we fight. Why can’t we be lovey dovey anymore? I know I’m was/ is still a mistake, and that you regretted being in this relationship with me. But still, sigh.
Few more days till we turn one, I really don’t want to fight anymore. I’m not angry at you for losing your feelings for me, I’m not sad either.
Ah ok fine. Maybe a teeny weeny sad. Who won’t be sad if their boyfriend of 11 months told you that all thanks to your mum, he no longer have a strong faith in this relationship? Who won’t be numb if their boyfriend who they love whole heartedly told you that he no longer misses you that much ever since he met your parents?
Sigh.
I’m such a fool for love.
Yes Han, I still believe with the fact to love is to let go. This phrase hasn’t really applied to us, just yet. Even though yours is deteriorating, but I still have some faith in us. I don’t really know about you but to me, if you really care deeply for that special someone, you will try your best to defend and fight to win back the love from that special someone. You will never give on them that easily. In other words, you will to keep them close in your heart for as long as possible.
And when everything else fails, that’s when that cold heart wrenching phrase applies. Everything will be blurry the moment we bid our final goodbyes, but soon you will come to live with the fact that it’s better to love someone within a safe distance. He/ she might not love you back, but heck, since when all fairy tale have a happy ending right?
Sigh.
I just reread all of our msn conversation I shared with you. There’s more tears and anger rather then happiness, in our conversations. What’s happening to us, Han? Is happiness really that hard for us to grip on? Is it that hard to stay happy always?
I’m really sorry that because of my mum, our relationship shakes tremendously. I’m sorry that my mum’s fierceness scares the shit of out you. I’m really sorry Han. But please baby, this is not a good reason to let your fear get the better of you. We’re much stronger than this. We didn’t have my parent’s blessing for the past 11 months, why will now make any difference, Han?
Things should be easier now that you’ve met my parents. My parents still have some real controlling issues; and there is a no doubt that it will take them a while to really let me go have my freedom. That’s the peak of this relationship, isn’t it? Will you prefer to be in a relationship where everything is so mundane and boring? Where there’s no such thing as adrenaline rush or tremendous fear of losing that special someone?
If you were to ask me, I will prefer the latter because I know that our relationship is a whole lot different than the others. We’re not even close to being boring, Han. Our relationship is like a roller coaster ride, it’s going in a pretty fast pace. We scream our lungs out the moment the roller coaster makes a sudden turn and dips down the very steep tracks. It’s really scary, but really fun at the same time. We scream, we shout, we laugh, we even pee-d in our pants. But damn, the moment we step out the ride, we will be grinning our heads off. Cause’ even though our respective hairs, in my case my scarf, will be all messed up and out of place, we know that it was one hell of a ride. It was a ride worth trying for, and there’s no doubt that you would want to try it again..
And you know, the best thing about this ride is that, while we were screaming our lungs out, our hands continue gripping each other’s. We still hanged on into each other, knowing that we can never let either one of us fall out of the ride. We can’t bear to see our love ones plunge to their death, you see.
So Han, it’s been 11 months worth of roller coaster ride with me, do you still want to continue the ride or do you want to be a scaredy cat by raising a white flag and leave the ride instead?
P.S: Trust me, you will want to continue this ride, cause you see, no one else can scream as loud at me =p
Filed under: Random
I’m tagging Asyurah =)
List out the top 5 presents you wish for
1) Black skinny jeans. (My one koyak seh =( )
2) Mp3
3) Money.
4) More english novels.
5) Toys for my baby sis.
Your relationship with her is:
She’s my cuddly wuddly teddy bear.
Your 5 impression of Asyurah:
1) Really sweet
2) Lovable
3) Caring
4) she’s a giver, never a taker.
5) childish, in a really good way =)
The most memorable thing she/he had done for you:
She will always hug me each time she sees me. Sweet kan, I know. Heh.
The most memorable thing she/he had said to you:
It was a few days ago. Something happened between me, my parents and Han. I prefer not to say it here, cause’ I really don’t want others to know about this. So yuh, somehow I end up stucked at home, feeling low as ever. Asy was there, she talked to me. Give me encouraging words all that. One significant thing she said was that she asked me out on that the very same day. She said that I need to go out and that she’s more than willing to persuade my mum to let me out. Besides Han and Asy, no one else is willing to go to that extend for me. So yuh, awwwwww.
If she/he becomes your lover, you will:
hide myself from Han. Han will be really heartbroken seh. They both have a love- hate relationship, you see. Hahaha.
If she/he becomes your enemy:
That will never happen lah. I can’t even bear to raise my voice at her. Enemy lagi. Ish.
If she/he becomes your enemy,the reason will be:
because I broke the head of her teddy bear key chain. Heh.
The most desired thing you want to do for him/her is:
to get her the big big teddy bear she’s been wanting all this while.
Your overall impression of her/him is:
She’s my sister =).
How do u think people around u will feel about you:
I don’t know. I always have this inner feeling that the people around me hate me. Korang tak hate aku kan?????
The Characteristic that you love of yourself are:
I love the fact that I like to help others. I love to give advice to people, you see. It satisfies me each time a person acknowledges my advice. The feeling so damn gerek, you know.
On the Contrary,the characteristc(s) you hate of yourself is/are:
I care too much. Sometimes I should just stop to care for people.
For the people that like and care for you, you say something to them:
I love you too =)
pass this quiz to 10 people:
1) Julie
2) Asyurah
3) Han han
4) Mich
5) Nad nasir.
6) Nut nut.
7) Ain
Khai
9) Bahiyyah
10) Suhaimi
Who is No.6 having relationship with?
Shit. I forget my best friend’s boyfriend’s name =X
Is No.9 a female or male?
Female, I think. Heh
If No.7 and No.10 are together,will it be a good thing?
Ain ngan Suhaimi?? Yessar, couple NADI terbaru =p
How about No.8 and 5?
Khairiah ngan Nad? Haha. They’re not lesbians wokae.
What is No.2 Studying about?Hospitality and tourism. Kan?
When was the last tyme u chat with No.3?
Approximately one hour ago. Aiyaa, I miss him already.
What kind of music band does No.8 like?
She loves all kind of songs.
No.1 has any siblings?
Yep2.
Will you woo No.3?
Hahahahaha. I’ve been trying to woo him for the past 11 months. Susah ok nak woo dier. Heh.
How about No.7?
I already kissed her on the cheek. Dah takyah woo woo lagi. Haha
Is No.4 single?
Yep2. Single and ready to mingle.
What’s the surname of No. 5?
M. Nasir. Heh.
What’s the name of No.10?
Suhaimi lah dey.
What’s the hobby of No.4?
Chat with jack. Hahaha.
Do No.5 and 9 get along well?
Yep2.
Where is No.7 studying at?
Temasek Polytechnic under business course under logistic. Lols.
Talk casually about No.1:
She’s really lovable lah..
Have you tried developing feelings for No.8?
Errr no??
Where does No.9 lives at?
Bedok, bebeh.
What Colour does No.4 Lykes?
Eh mich, what color u like uh?
Are No.5 and 1 Bestfriends?
Good friends I think
.Does No.7 likes No.2?
Ourh yes. These two heads really loves each other very much =)
How do you get to noe No.2?
Nadi kesenian =D
Does No.1 has any pets?
Yep. Meow meow
Is No.10 the sexiest person in the world?
Erms, can I don’t answer this question please.!!
Filed under: inner thoughts
That’s us when we’re in sem 1.
We were damn close, I tell you. I was’t that close to Hafiidz yet. I was closer to Eden. Ahem. Heh. I look so different.
But really, look at me, I really have changed haven’t i? I’m no longer the person I was once. A good transition? I don’t know. I kind of miss the old me. I’m no longer that witty old Rad. Back then., I can easily strike up a conversation. No I’m not bragging, but really, I used to talk a lot. I was really hyper, jumped around. Laughed a lot, bully people a lot, crapped a lot. If you don’t believe me, you can ask Eden.
But now, it’s a different story. I’m totally the opposite. I barely talk. I rarely strike a conversation. When I meet new people, I need some time to warm up before I can loosen up and talk to them. That’s why I don’t usually give people a good first impression. They often mistook me for someone who is full of attitude and cold. I’m not. I just need warm- ups.
I’m no longer good at maintaining friendship either. To date, I think I’ve lost quite a number of friends. Mostly guys. God forbids, but i’m beginning to lose Jup and co. too. I’m really not close to them anymore. I just don’t know how to be comfortable around them. In other words, I’ve lost my “touch”. You know how sucky it feels like when your good friends no longer calls you down when they are out together? Yuh, that kind of feeling. But luckily, my relationship with them hasn’t reach that extend yet. We’re still cool, but not as cool as before.
Then again, I still have them. What more can I ask for, right?
P.S: Happy fasting people. Later dah rayer, don’t forget to ask me out hor =D
Filed under: inner thoughts
Some things are better off unsaid.
