We’ll skip the goodbyes.

 Sometimes, I can’t help it but to have this strong urge to let go of everything.  Yes everything. It’s really suffocating to know that the people around me are unfortunately trying their best to suffocate me. They’re choking me and indirectly killing me slowly. What do they want from me, if you may ask? I have no idea but it seems that they find real excitement through all this. The adrenaline rush they get thru this beats the rush they get when riding the Panasonic ride in Escape Theme Park. It’s far more exciting I guess.   

As much as I want to let go of everything, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Or better still I doubt I can EVER bring myself to do it. I just can’t. It can never be possible when this “everything” involves the people who I’ve come to be very close with. From my family members to my one and only, I just can’t let them go of them. They’re my pillar of strength, my hope, my everything. But they too are my weakness. They pull me up so high; and yet they too pull me down so low. In simple words, they’re the reason to why I’m stuck at the very end of two emotions- happiness and sadness. Happiness- cause’ I still have my love ones close to me. They’re still very much alive and kicking. Thank God. But sadness- cause’ a contrary to theirs, I am still alive, but not really kicking.  

Sigh.

 Too many contradictions, I know. But then life is already a contradiction to begin with. Right?  

And yarh, my ed is back. And trust me; I’m really not proud to announce that. It’s taking a toll on Han cause’ he’s blaming himself for not taking good care of me. It’s not his fault really. I have a problem with myself all this while, not him. Until I have the strength and courage to step onto the scale, I will forever have a war with myself. And no one else will be involved in this war except for me myself and i. And that’s final.