Time flies and before I know it, Ramadhan is here again. Yayyyyy. Heh… Last year’s Ramadhan was a horrible one for me, but insya’allah things will be much better now =)
Speaking of Ramadhan, just now I sort of made a promise to my last two sisters, both 6 and 4 years old respectively. I told them that if they managed to fast for a full one month, I will give them 10 bucks each. My 4th sister saw me making that promise and then she started laughing. Because we both know that my last two sisters will NOT fast for the whole of the month. Confirm plus chop that they will puase yok yok nyer. Heeeee. Now now, aren’t you guys glad that you’re not my sisters? * Evil grins*
On another note… bieyyyy, make sure ah when you go out with me next Saturday, you will stand at least one meter away from me. And no staring into my eyes. You batal puase I dunno eh. Heh.
And to the rest of you, happy fasting. Takmu pause yok yok tau =D
They are one of the few unintended blessings in my life. Even though at times, they can really stretch my patience to its limits; I know for sure that they will forever have a special place in my heart. They moved me; they changed me into the person that I am today. More than anything, they accepted me for who I am and not for whom I am not.
My emotions may be a little stagnant just now, but just to let you guys know, you guys mean the world to me. And for every tears that rolled down on all of your cheeks just now, I know for sure that we mean the world to each other too =)
And if anyone dares to hurt you, please DO let me know. I shall kick that person’s ass for you. No seriously. But then ar, before I kick that person’s ass, I need to wear my sparring vest, knee/ elbow guards first. For safety reasons lahh. Yes I want to be a superwoman, but no I don’t want to get bruises all over my body. Siao ah. Lebam saner lebam sini. Tak cool tau. Pffttt.
Filed under: inner thoughts
Woman was made from the rib of a man,
She was not created from his head to top him,
Nor from his feet to be stepped upon,
She was made from his side to be close to him,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
Near his heart to be loved by him.
Filed under: F'an, Fat, Random, family, inner thoughts, love, melancholy, you don't want to know
1] My dodo laptop seriously needs to be thrown out of the window. The other time, it crashed due to its faulty hard disk. Now that the hard disk is fixed, my laptop screen is next on the line. It’s totally funny looking lah. ROOOARRR! Ah kan, dah jadik lion.
2] I’m halting my dreams. Acoustic guitars & bike license, I’m putting it all on one side for now. It saddens me a lot to know that I have to wait a little while more to get what I’ve been wanting all this while. But it’s ok, it’s alrite. They say, “Good things will come to those who wait”. So yep, I shall wait.
3] Yesterday, my family had a meeting. After hours of talking & listening to them bickering, all of us (excluding my last 4 siblings) ended up crying. I know my dad cried too. I’ve never been in this kind of state before… Hopeless- ness and a lack of hope, both combined together really makes an emotionally draining concoction. If I only I can do something to make things better for all of us =(
4] I need money. Seriously.
5] My room is in a freaking mess.
Note to self: pegi kemas bilik lahhh
6] Both Win and Jup noticed that I’ve not been eating right lately. They kept on asking me the reason to why I’m barely eating. Win especially. He kept on pestering me to eat. Ish budak nie.
7] To you, stop it eh with the stucked up face. I know you have nice nostrils, but please, I’ve seen enough hairy nostrils to last me a lifetime.
8] I wore my nerdy specs to school today. Just when I thought I’m at my ugliest state, two people indirectly complimented me. Both are sufi’s friends… Sufi then gave me this “see- I- told- you- already. You- look- good- in- specs” kinda look. Heh. Thanks I guess.
9] Yesterday night, after everything has settled down, F’an sent me this one sweet sms. “…. Semakin hari, semakin rindu diriku kepada dirimu & mungkin tidak akan jemu melihat wajah mu yg manis ayu….” Alahai. Jiwang nyer matairku. Heee. Sayang dier teramat sangat =)
10] My stomach just grumbled. Oops.
11] Finally, after so long, both my parents are starting to show more affection towards each other. Alhamdulilah =D
12] Even when your hope is gone, move along; move along just to make it through.
Jaded. Irate. Incensed. Bewildered. Confused. Doubtful. Envious. Helpless. Incensed. Obnoxious. Provoked. Enraged. Tired. Tense. Repulsive. Uptight. Weary. Apoplectic. Worried. Amused. Funny. Perfect. Silly. Breathless. Betrayed. Loyal. Intense. Worried. Restless. Distant. Green. Morose. Difficult. Complete. Incomplete. Miserable. Lonesome. Ignored. Loved. Unloved. Fat. Provoked. Abhorrent. Faded. Incandescent. . Lackadaisical. Nonchalant. Sulky. Vivacious. Zonked.
05/04/93
(coincidentally, 05/04 is nut nut’s birthday)
She was born into this earth. I could barely remember how she looked like. All I can remember was that she has dark skin tone- she followed our dad, I guess. My mum told me that giving birth to her was a brisk. There weren’t any difficulties at all, just a really smooth labor.
04/05/93
My baby sister left this world. She was only one month old.
My mum often told me this, “she was the easiest to come into our life, but she was always the easiest one to go”. I was 4 years at that point of time. I barely knew anything, but I can somehow recall what happened on the night before she passed away.
We were at our nenek’s house (now batman’s house) at that point of time. It was at the break of dawn. If I’m not wrong, my dad wasn’t there throughout the whole ordeal. He was in Malaysia, I think. Somehow my mum had to go through this all alone…
I couldn’t remember what I was doing at that point of time, but then I remembered seeing a few paramedics going into my nenek’s house. They were carrying this red box, and I think one of them was carrying a stretcher. Then I saw my mum, she had this really solemn expression on her face. She was wearing her favorite brown sweater, with a few bags strapped around her. I kept on asking her where she was going, and whether or not I can follow her along. My mum didn’t say a word. Instead, my nenek held me back and kept on telling me that I can’t follow her. Minutes later, my mum and the paramedics left the house. Did I tell you that they brought along my baby sister too?
The next day, I couldn’t remember what exactly happened, but I can recall this one part whereby I was inside my nenek’s room. I was sitting beside both batman and abg man (batman’s brother). Lying on my nenek’s was my baby sister. She was covered in white cloth. I turned around to look at both batman abg man, I was surprised to see them crying. And the funny thing is, I found myself crying too. But it was more like an “eksyen eksyen nangis”. I wanted to kpo2 too, you see.
Then I remembered my dad called me to come closer to the bed. “ Mari cium adek”, he said. He then carried me to the bed, lifted the white cloth and let me kissed my baby sister for the last time. I remembered telling my dad that her skin was really cold. My dad just shakes his head and left my question unanswered. And the rest was history.
——————————————————
I don’t know why, but this time round I really felt it. Throughout the recitation of Yassin just now, I really felt a sudden sense of loss. And I found myself missing her really badly .So so badly that I felt like crying. It’s like I’ve finally woken up to realize that apart from my 5 siblings, I used to have another sister, Nurul Atiqah.
The one thing that makes me sadder (sp?) is my mum. She has gone through so many ordeals. Carrying my late baby sis in her tummy for the whole 9 months, and then when it’s time, she had to go through the hardship of giving birth. A month of happiness, and then she had to deal with the fact that her daughter was gone forever….
My mum is indeed a wonder woman. I know to date, my mum is still mourning over the loss of her daughter. This is because, every now and then, whenever an ambulance passes by us, she will never fail to say this, “mak ingat lagi. Dulu mak teman adek kau kat dlm ambulance tu”. Yep, she still remembers everything.
Setiap yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. I’ve seen the light after this ordeal. What’s the light if you guys might ask? It’s non other than my third brother. After Nurul passed away, shortly after that my mum became pregnant again. This time round, scans showed that she’ll be having a baby boy. Ahmad, my third brother became the only boy in this family. After him, the rest of my siblings are girls. No more macho man. I strongly believe that its wasn’t for Nurul, all of my siblings will be girls. See, I told you. God really knows his way around things =)
After typing out this post, I really feel so much better now. I no longer feel the urge to cry; instead I now have an urge to dig into my dad’s big black bag a.k.a document bag to look for my late baby sis passport. I want to look at her picture. Heh. And maybe, just maybe I will talk to her photo. Ask her how she’s doing up there etc. Haha.
P.s: Yes, though I’m only 4 years old at that point of time, I still could remember all this.
*on the right- down with a really bad cough
on the left- down with a high fever.*
A day spent with him, it’s definitely not enough for the both us. Seriously, it really seems that every Saturday, time will fly super duper fast. The next thing we know, it’s already time for us to head back home.
The going home part is something I never ever look forward to every weekend. It’s just so saddening uh. Each time, when we’re about to go home, our moods will change drastically. From the happy happy mood, things suddenly get so gloomy and sad. Sometimes, it gets so sad that we could barely talk to each other. We just held hands and try our best to not have any eye contacts. Don’t ask me why, cause I, myself don’t know the reason why. Heee.
But one sweet thing about this kind of situations is that, even when we’re caught up with extreme sadness, we still make attempts to communicate with each other. Nope, we still can’t talk; it’s just that we exchange smses instead. Not exactly exchange uh. It’s like you know, I typed out something on the phone, and then I show it to him. He will then read the unsent sms, and then “reply” me using the very same phone. Something like that uh. I don’t know about you guys, but I just find little things like this awfully sweet. Heh.
And I bet Nisa is going through the same thing that I am going through right now. Saturday has always been a contradicting day for us (refers to gf’s of bfs who’s are currently serving NS). High with happiness in the morning and then extreme sadness in the night. Pfft.
Oh well, I shall complain or anything because truthfully speaking, all my life, I’ve never been as thankful as I am right now. It’s been a month plus since we got together, and never once have I ever regret letting him into my life. He’s a God-sent, really =)
And ourh before I forget, he added something to our helmet last week:
Tadaaaaaa! Lawa kn?
Tysm biey. Sayang awak byk2 skali. Heh.
*insert grinning face*
